i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
