Are we in a gay sports bar?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
