That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
