instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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