i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
