they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
