I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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