I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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