And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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