remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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