From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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