Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
