He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
