I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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