mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
