He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize