I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
