I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
