you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
