I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
