woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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