spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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