Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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