Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
