and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
