i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
