the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
