i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
