hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
