Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
