I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's shark week go big or go home
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
