Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
