I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
