He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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