Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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