I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
