Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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