My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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