Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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