I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
