I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
