If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
