I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
