and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
