i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
