I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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