So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize