I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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