does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
