She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
