did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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