So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
