You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
