just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
