The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
