you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
