i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
