Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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