Got a toothbrush?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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