Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
