i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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