if you like me you must not know who I am
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
