dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
