His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
