3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
