PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
