you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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