you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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