I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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