i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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