I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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