you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i've created a new STD.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
