So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
