I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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